Heartache

Last year, Pastor Park, a music pastor from Altus Methodist Church, offered me a chance to learn piano. First, I hesitated. Because I knew he was very rigorous teach when he talk about his music to other people. But I thought it would be wonderful chance for me. If I learn more piano skills now, then I could develop myself and play better in future. So I accepted this challenging opportunity. But yesterday, I almost regretted the fact that I grabbed his free lesson.
Pastor Park drives to Lawton on every Saturday and teaches recorder, piano, and vocal music. So far, it has been more than six months that I am having lesson from him. We usually focused on the expression of the composer’s ideas through the music. But I had a trouble to express their ideas, so Pastor Park tried to explain how to open my heart and actually play music with the composer’s ideas and feelings. However, he occasionally became so upset and began to scream at me. It happened again and yesterday, I could not stop my tears. I guess I was not good enough to him, so he yelled to me as usually. Then he said, “Your music is trash.” When I heard that word, felt like I was on the fire. Sometimes, he seemed very rude when he teaches his music, but yesterday’s his attitude was the worst. I clenched my teeth to not to drop a tear in front of Pastor Park. But I could not hold my tears no longer when my lesson was over. I turned my back to him and began to cry out loud. My heart was broken. Especially his words and attitudes hurt my heart. However, I did not cry because of him. I had other reason why I could not stop my tears.
I cared about piano as like it was my best friend and I even enjoyed the moments when I am playing on the piano. But the more I played and learned about the piano, the more I became unhappier. It is too difficult for me to express the ideas of young composer Beethoven. I wanted to be happy when I am on the piano. Also this was not what I expected when Pastor Park offered me an opportunity. It seemed like I was standing at the end of the road. Also I felt like I can’t go forward anymore even though I have not reached my goal yet. It was this emotion that I could not control and made me to cry another two hours.
Now, I know I can’t convince myself that I still love to play a piano, like I use to be. But I will keep playing piano and find an answer for me whether I can overcome this heartbreak and express Beethoven’s feelings in my style. I will not give up. So from now on, I am challenging myself.

Revision of "I Love You Mother"

After our English class covered the topic of Mickey Mantle’s life, I learned that I should express my love feeling to my family. In class, we discussed that Mickey regrets the fact that he did not say how much he loved his father while his father was alive. If I do not say it then my family would never know and I could make a mistake like Mickey made. So I decided to open my heart. Since my parent moved to San Francisco, we often communicated by emails. When we stayed together, I did not notice how important they were. But now, I realized that each of their positions were so valuable to me. To express my thoughts and feelings, I wrote an email to my mother on this Tuesday. I could just call her and say that how much I love her But I could not, because I was not confidence enough. First, I explained who was Mickey Mantle and his relationship with his father. Then I told her what made me to say that I love her. After I send this email, I was happy. Next day, I received an email from her. The first sentence on her letter grabbed my attention. She said “Thank you my daughter.” When I read that sentence, it felt like she was touching my heart softly. All I did was saying “I love you and I love you so much.” But my mother gave me a double of love that I expressed to her. If I did not let her know then I would never received my mother’s love. Someday, I wish I express my heart as face to face.

Revision of "My Left Leg has Bruise"

. Last Friday, my friends and I were playing around at the church. We decided to show whose leg is more flexible. As we stand, one leg should be stretched out to the sky. While I was waiting for my turn, I became so excited and I believed that I will be the best. However, the fact was opposite. Suddenly, my flip-flop slipped and I fell to the ground strongly. My left hip and thigh was directly hit to the ground. I almost cried because it really hurt. But as time goes by, it did not hurt as much as first time. So I did not care about it. This After I took a shower on this Monday, I saw my left leg’s thigh through the mirror and I shocked. I had large and purplish bruise. The size was about my fist. I began to worry as if I can’t use my left leg future. So I started look up several sources about the effects of bruise. If a skin turned to purple or dark red color, then it means the cells inside of the skin has been damaged or killed by certain force. On Tuesday, I showed a picture of my bruise to my mother, which it was much larger than yesterday. I know she would be also shocked, but I was glad to tell her. Because I need her help and wished to hear some good treatment to the bruise. She told me to go and talk to pharmacist in Wal-mart. So I did. The pharmacist told me that there is no treatment for the bruise, but just wait until the cell develops and become healthier. He also said there would be no later problem. I feel better now. To rid of my bruise, all I have to do is wait. By this ugly fat bruise experience, I learned that I should protect myself to live healthier.

Ludwig van Beethoven

This week, I had a chance to read two books about Ludwig van Beethoven; he is my favorite musician and composer. The titles of two books were “The Life and Works of Beethoven” and “The Letters of Beethoven.” The reason I read these books is because I am learning how to play Beethoven’s Sonatas. When I have piano lesson with my music teacher, he often said to me, “You must think the composer’s purpose of a piece of music and try to explain it with your own style.” Currently, I am learning Beethoven’s Sonata number 8, the first movement. This music was titled as “Pathetique” and it was French word that denoted a feeling of passion and sorrow in Ancient Greek. All three of this sonata’s movements are well-known since he published it in 1790. I also have heard lot through the media. But it is hard to play and make it as my own style. So I decided to look up several sources and understand the composer’s purpose. First I found that Beethoven wrote this music in 1789 and published one year later. What dragged him to write such spiritual music? The answer was in those two books I’ve read. When Beethoven was 27, his mother passed away because of illness and poverty. His father, Johann van Beethoven, was alcoholic and the drinking problem went out of control. So young Beethoven begins to work at the church as organist, where his father and grandfather worked, and earned half of his father’s salary to survive with his brothers. If I were in his shoes, I would probably become a hopeless person. But the genius musician wrote this sonata and expressed his moment of life through the music. His name and works are still valuable. As I was reading and searching about him, I felt that his skills and talents were not granted. To became a Beethoven he sacrificed himself.

Today's Violence in Our University

I still remember the Virginia Tech massacre in 2007. Cho Sung-Hui killed 32 people and committed suicide in his university. One of the video I watched in the youtube site recorded the shots of Cho’s bullet. It was recorded by someone who was at outside of the building with his camcorder. While I was watching, I could not imagine such dreadful situation was happened in the university. He was from South Korea, like me, but end up his life by making a dirtiest history in United States. So during my freshman semesters in Cameron University, I hoped this kind of violence should not happen again in any university. Two years and five months later, another crime has occurred in university. Last week Monday, I read an article about Annie Le in the New Your Times website. A graduate researcher, twenty four years old, Ms Le’s dead body was found at behind the basement wall in Amistad building, Yale University. I was really sad when I read about the fact that she planned to get marry in that week. She was a person who had a dream for her future life and that’s why she attended that university. But it is over now. On September 18, I found and read another article about Ms. Le’s death. The topic was about a murderer of Ms. Le. The authorities charged Yale University animal technician, Raymond Clark III, with murdering Annie Le. According to the article, he was arrested after 8A.M. on last Thursday in room 214 of the super 8 motel in Cromwell, Connecticut. I could not find any sources of the reasons why a technician murdered a researcher. I am pretty sure that each of these two people worked hard to achieve those competitive jobs. But today they end up their life miserably in their university. Two years ago, I hoped not to happen it again but it did. I am a junior in Cameron University now. I think university is where I can develop myself. But today, university is becoming one of the fields with serious violence. I still do not understand why these people decided such crimes in the university. In 2009 I hope no one make a stupidest decision again in any university.

i have a dream

This Friday, a member of our church congregation passed away after his long illness. When Mr. Kim closed his eyes his wife and son wailed so sadly. The word of death is so painful for us to accept it, especially to families and close relatives. But after the funeral worship on next Tuesday, Mrs. Kim has to overcome the pain of her husband’s death. Someday, I would also face this kind of situation and I might desperately want to overcome that pain quickly. How can we live when we lost our family member? We can still live our individual life by a dream. Mrs. Kim has to live rest of her life without Mr. Kim and his son, Jin, has to survive without his father. But from now on they have to focus on their own dreams or visions. This is one of way to overcome the pain and I think a vision is my hope to live my life. I have a big dream. Since I was 17, I wanted to become a medical missionary. For last five years, I was not sure whether I could go to medical school and walk into the mission field. But now, I have a faith and passion that I really want to be a medical missionary and reach out to poor nations. Every day I dream about my future, whether it would be fun or hard. Until I reach my goal I will keep studying and challenge myself. Because I want to develop myself as I approaches to my dream.

i love you mother

After our English class covered the topic of Mickey Mantle’s life I learned that I should express I love feelings to my family. We discussed that Mickey regrets the fact that he did not say how much he loved his father while his father was alive. So I learned if I do not say it then my family would never know and I will make a mistake like Mickey made. I decided to open my heart. Since my parent moved to San Francisco we often communicated by emails. When we were living together I did not noticed how important they were. But now I know their each positions were so valuable and greatly supports my life. To express my thoughts and feelings, this Tuesday I wrote an email to my mother. I could just call her and say that I love her but to be honest, I did not have a confidence to express my love while I was listening her voice. On email, first I explained to her who was Mickey Mantle and his relationship with his father. Then I told her what made me to say that I love her. After I send this email I felt lighter than before, as physically and mentally. Next day she wrote me back. The first sentence on her email grabbed my attention.
She said “Thank you my daughter.” When I read that sentence she touched my heart so softly. In last few months, I was very depressed and felt lonely for some reasons. Also I often cried in the dark because I missed my parent so much. But when I read her email, all those pains and tears were gone. All I did was saying “I love you and I love you so much.” My mother gave me a double of love that I offered to her. If I did not expressed my love then I would never receive this kind and love feelings from her. I wish someday that, when we are face to face, I tell her that I love her very much and thank her to give me a birth.